Award-winning author Carrie Goldman speaks to students about Bullied: What Every Parent, Teacher, and Kid Needs to Know About Ending the Cycle of Fear
Bullying is a hot topic for students, teachers, and parents. It is an issue students can face at school, during extra-curricular activities, social events, and also through a variety of social media channels.
To learn more about bullying – what it is, what it is not, what to do about it, and how to address it if identified – Harpeth Hall welcomed award-winning author Carrie Goldman to campus on Tuesday, November 7 to speak to students and faculty during all-school assembly and meet in the evening with parents.
Goldman has garnered national and international acclaim for her work on bullying and social conflict and is the author of Bullied: What Every Parent, Teacher, and Kid Needs to Know About Ending the Cycle of Fear, winner of a National Parenting Publication Award and a Mom's Choice Award for excellence in educational skills and tools.
Goldman's presentation focused on educating students about bullying versus normal social conflict, and presented proven strategies and tools for teaching them how to speak up, resolve conflict, cope with teasing, taunting, physical abuse, and cyber-bullying.
"It can be hard to tell that fine line between what's all in good fun and what goes too far," Goldman said in her opening remarks in regards to humor among friends.
Below are some of the important messages and concepts she shared:
- Teasing vs Taunting – Teasing is when both the teaser and the target think it is funny. Taunting is when the target does not think it is funny or fun.
- We must learn to speak up and let it be known if you don't like what is happening and ask them to stop.
- Bullying is repetitive, unwanted, and there is a power imbalance.
- With bullying, there is almost always a fourth condition that develops: fear. The presence of fear or being afraid to confront someone may indicate a power imbalance.
- Repetitive taunting about internal attributes or 'who you are' is bullying.
- Normal social conflict can also lead to fights and hurt feelings, but it most commonly originates about something external versus internal.
- With normal social conflict, people can still get hurt, but they need to work it out with each other.
- Scripts for a normal social conflict discussion:"I feel ___ when you ____." Response: "I hear you. How can I make it better." This can go back and forth from person to person, but it is important to give feedback that focuses on behavior. The natural instinct of the person doing the hurtful thing is to defend and justify. Acknowledge, resolve, and then move on and let it go.
- How to assess whether a true friend or bad friend.
- Natural exclusion versus aggressive exclusion
- Ouch and Oops concept – letting someone know it hurt (Ouch), acknowledging the hurt (Oops)
- Bullying needs to be reported. Reporting bullying is not "tattling" or "getting someone in trouble." It is trying to get someone out of trouble and get them help.
- Students should know that if they see bullying in action, the only unacceptable response is to do nothing to help.
- Redirect the negative energy to support of the victim to make the situation better.
For more information about Carrie Goldman and bullying versus social conflict, go to http://www.carriegoldmanauthor.com/.